youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
