I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
