3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
