Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
