at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
