ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't notice because vodka
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
