he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
