So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
