Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
