you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
