He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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