You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
