why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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