You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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