Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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