Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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