I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
