The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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