guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
