he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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