we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
