i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
