Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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