: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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