i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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