If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
