it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
