What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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