Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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