Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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