A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
