the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
