All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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