First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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