you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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