I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
