...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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