Just fell off a train. Bad.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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