i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
