I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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