guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
