Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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