My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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