dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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