I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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