Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
