I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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