Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
