yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
