im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
