I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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