he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
