i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
