Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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