We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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