I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's like heaven, but drunker
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
