As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
