yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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