She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
