I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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