Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
