The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
