i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
