How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
