Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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