Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
