im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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