Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
