She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
