I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
