i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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