is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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