Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize