can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
