If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
